Let’s Talk About Consent, Baby.
What is Consent?
Consent is an on-going agreement that expresses the needs, desires, and boundaries of individuals interacting with each other through clear, direct communication. Consent is best communicated verbally where both individuals have a clear understanding of each other’s needs. Consent is a part of our everyday lives used to acknowledge, respect, and support our unique individual needs.
Here are a few examples of everyday consent:
Do you have time to talk? Can I give you a hug? Are you okay with this?
Would you like to go to the concert together? Can I take a picture?
Is it okay if I borrow this book from you? I love this photo of us! Is it okay if I post it online?
What is sexual consent?
Sexual Consent is an ongoing agreement that expresses the needs, desires, and boundaries between individuals who are engaging in sexual activity. When engaging in sexual activity, it’s important to remember that consent should always be received verbally BEFORE initiating sexual activity. Verbal consent means that you have received an affirmative and enthusiastic response that helps both you and your partners understand and respect each other’s needs, desires and boundaries.
It’s also important to remember that consent can be given and withdrawn at any time. For example, if someone says “yes” to kissing it does not mean that they are giving you a “yes” for everything that happens after that. The best way to make sure that your partner feels safe, comfortable, and understood is to check-in with them every time, every step of the way.
Remember: Consent can be revoked at any time! If someone said “yes” earlier, and now they are saying “no” now, stop immediately- you no longer have their consent!
Consent is the legal standard required for sexual activity. To engage in sexual activity with someone who has not expressed their voluntary (no threats/ coercion), enthusiastic (heck yes!), agreement to sexual activity is a serious crime.
Is there ever a time where consent cannot be given?
Yes, consent cannot be given by individuals who are underage (<16 years old), intoxicated or incapacitated by drugs or alcohol, asleep or unconscious. If someone agrees to an activity under pressure of intimidation or threat, that isn’t consent because it was not given freely. If you act on any kind of sexual behavior with an individual who is incapacitated from drugs or alcohol, asleep, or unconscious, it is sexual assault and is a serious crime.
Sexual Consent is an ongoing agreement that expresses the needs, desires, and boundaries between individuals who are engaging in sexual activity. Not sure how to give or receive consent? Just #ASKFORIT!
-
Respecting Consent
When it comes to respect consent, anything less than an enthusiastic “YES” = “NO”
-
Sex and Intoxication
Consent and Intoxication cannot be in relationship with each other.
-
Sexual Violence in Saskatchewan
Saskatchewan has the highest rates of Sexual Violence in Canada. Understanding consent change help us all change that.
FAQs
-
You must ask for consent for every sexual act, every time, every step of the way. Not sure if you have consent? ASK!
Ask your sexual partner what activities they would like to participate in with you, and what their sexual boundaries are. Just remember to check-in during sex, and before changing activities.
Not sure if your partner is into the sexual act? Stop all sexual activity.
Remember, anything less than an enthusiastic “Yes!” = “No”
Learn more here.
-
Whenever we’re asking for someone’s sexual consent, they could say “no” in their words, body language, or by not saying anything at all.
When this happens, we must accept their answer and move on. NEVER pressure someone to change their mind.
It’s okay to feel disappointed with a “no” answer. But respecting other people’s boundaries is the right and legal thing to do.
Enthusiastic consent must be ongoing & freely given:
Continuing to ask for sex until our partner “gives in” is not consent.
Threatening to harm someone else or ourselves to get sex is not consent.
Silence is not consent.
The absence of a “no” is not consent.
Learn more here.
-
People who are intoxicated, incapacitated, or asleep cannot consent to any sexual activity.
Even if someone says they are sober now, the effects of intoxicants may not be felt immediately, and they may no longer be able to give consent during sexual activity already underway. This could become sexual assault, and is a serious crime.
If you, or your sexual partners have consumed intoxicants, wait to engage in sex until everyone is sober. This way, you will always know you and your partners are enthusiastically consenting to “get busy” together.
Learn more here.
-
You always get to decide what activities are comfortable for you, and your body. Likewise the people we have sex with get to decide what activities are comfortable for them and their bodies. Just because we enjoy one type of activity, doesn’t mean our partners will. This is why we must always communicate with our sexual partners before and during sex.
Asking for consent could sound like:
“Do you want to have sex with me?
“Are you comfortable with kissing?”
“Is it okay if I touch you on your *insert body part* ?”
“Do you wanna makeout?”
“Do you want me to stop?”
“Is this still okay?”
It’s important to give time for our sexual partners to answer our consent check-ins, and for us to both hear and respect the answer.
Learn more here.
-
Sexual Consent is: an agreement between participants to engage in sexual activity. Our sexual partners must have our enthusiastic, and ongoing “YES” to continue with sexual activity. Anything less than an enthusiastic “yes” = NO and sexual activity must stop.
To continue with sexual activity without an enthusiastic “yes!” from our partner is sexual assault.
Sexual assault is any non consensual touch for a sexual purpose, and it is a serious crime.
If you think that you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, there is help and information available for you. In Saskatchewan, you can find support on the SASS website here.
-
** If you think you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, the information below might be painful or difficult to read. Please scroll carefully and take breaks for your wellbeing. **
Regardless of if the assault was hours ago, or years ago, IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT!
In Canada, the crime of Sexual Assault is legally defined as: “any unwanted act of a sexual nature that is imposed on another person without their consent and which violates, or threatens to violate, their sexual integrity. It includes, but is not limited to, unwanted kissing, touching, penetration or attempted penetration.”
Essentially, any unwanted touch for a sexual purpose = sexual assault.
Those over the age of consent (16 years or older) who have been sexually assaulted have options regardless of how long ago the assault occurred. In Saskatchewan, individuals have the choice of pursuing medical care, counselling supports, or reporting to the police.
Learn more about the options for support here.
Whether you choose to pursue any of these options is up to you. You have choices and you get to decide what is best for you.